alone

Recently, I've found myself lost in my thoughts and wanderings. It's a weird stage in life to have all of these meaningful connections among friends, but to still feel alone. I spent last weekend on Marvin's Mountaintop during Frostburn 2018. It was an endeavor that I took up by myself, and that jump-started a rough weekend of committing to work and covering other co-worker's shifts, planning curriculum, organizing friends for the weekend, attending work retreats, and then burning my candle from both ends as I went out to ROAM and danced to some Berlin Techno before heading over to an after-hours warehouse party in NE DC.

I love my discussions with new people, and I've danced and chatted with folks until the sunrise more times than I can keep track. There's something transcendent, desolate, and lonely about these experiences because I wander around and share these intentional, meaningful experiences with people around me, but I never have a full community or group who will always travel with me or be my explorer-in-crime. It's definitely a mixture of wanting my alone time to wander and push through the struggle, and a desire to experience newness and struggles.

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Marvin RoxasComment